Kids Training Parents!!! 1 October 2015

 

So my little one handed me this book and said,  "Read it mom, it is so funny." She got the book from the recent book sale. 

Note to self - Watch my words, expression and body language when I speak. 

 

Holy Moly! I almost wanted to say something when I saw how my older one dressed up the other day !! Yeah, thank you for the great tip Dr Heinz Doozandohntz, I shall get rid of my old photographs immediately. 

 

"DO persuade your parents to buy you a pet - you need one for company and to teach you a sense of responsibility"

Oh yeah, I bought the guppies! (gulped)

Chicken Soup for the Soul - Just for Preteens by Jack Canfield. Mark Victor Hansen, Amy Newmark 24 September 2015

This book caught my attention while I scanned the books at parenting section. As my older child reached preteen age, I wonder if I would also face the same challenges as would other mothers with preteen age children who has shared their stories with me.

I turned to the back cover which read " You're growing up, your friends are changing, homework is harder, and your life has more ups and downs than it used to"

"Your friends are changing" rings a bell. 

"Why is she not playing anymore? " asked En.  

" When they grow older, they try to look cool." said Hui. 

" They also speak in a different way like why did you guys get upset. It is just one stupid game."  

Hui added we were just playing and the game is not stupid. Stupid is not a nice word.  

I flipped to the "Introduction" page. One paragraph said "We hope you will view this book as a portable support group for preteens, like another friend you can turn to. You might want to encourage your parents to read it also - it will help them remember their own preteen years and better understand what is going on in your life these days! "

I thought, "parents, ME ? yeah, right. "  I bought the book. 

There are 101 stories in the book. Below is an excerpt of Sara Hedberg's sharing.   

"Junior high is a zoo. It's filled to the brim with a lot of naive kids who all want to be top dog, but most of them are a completely different kind of animal. I consider myself a snake because I am hardly ever comfortable in my own skin. I have always been one of the quiet kids. When the spotlight is directed at me, I almost always say the wong thing. Otherwise, I become like a parrot, simply echoing what the leaders of the flock say. Those leaders seem to be chameleons, because they change their appearance at just the right time to stay alive. They are also many mockingbirds in junior high, making fun of everything you say. But don't let those people get under your skin. My advice is this: Don't be a parrot, mockingbird, or snake. Be yourself, whatever animal you are, because this is the greatest gift you have" 

There is so much go through a child's mind.  

I try to grasp each story 's lesson to share and discuss with my children. And I also shared my own story - moving from one rental home to another, endless fight between pa ma, the hardship of meeting the basic needs of living.

I told them to stand by their friends while they are growing up and facing changes or difficulties. Not just them, I need to do the same too for them or their friends.  

Let toys be toys September 2015

En created "Escape Room" game at home for her boy-friends.  

It wasn't the first time she did that. Previously, the location was at her bedroom. This time round, it was in the bathroom! I managed to sneak in and snap a few photos before they start playing. 

So I asked one of the boys on  why he likes to come over and play. He replied " I love the games here. :)

One of the clues, a bandanna and a windbreaker on the floor. 

A bell !! Is it to call for help? 

The wooden box she made at scout class. 

At home, the girls play everything - train, cars, guns, dolls, Lego, boxes etcetera. I don't gender-stereotyped toy. They play with boys and girls. 

When they grew up, they learnt about stereotyping from people around them, which is okay as it is a fact of life.

They came to me, saying so and so said I am a girl and so I should do this and that. :)

  

As long as I am not stereotyping, I think they will be fine. 

When spending time with your kids by Steve Biddulph September 2015

When spending time with your kds,

1) Don't expect to actually achieve anything ! Especially with small children ( like going to the post office) the goal is no longer a goal. For example - if you are teaching them to use a screwdriver, you won't get the door hung in a great hurry. So let go of that one. They will wander off in a while and you can make up for lost time.

2) Only do things with kids which you feel relaxed about. Their help in planting out spring seedlings will not give you an immaculate garden. You have to decide what you are doing - being with your kids or getting your job done in your usual standards. If you try to do both you will experience a little frustration. If I'm writing on the computer, I can't stand to be interrupted. So I don' t even try to involve my kids

3) Enjoy parenthood - it doesn't last! I was in my thirties when my son arrived, and so I am mindful that parenthood being all too short. If he wanders by when I am doing my job, I value the contact with him and like to see what I can teach him then and there. But not writing on the computer!

In conclusion - as a father you need to decide moment to moment what is more important to you, and it will sometimes be the kids, and sometimes not. One big plus is that kids tend to slow you down, and while slowed down, you start to rediscover little pleasures, which is the gift they bring. Time with kids is never wasted.

Mom's Separation Anxiety from children 22 May 2014

Two backpacks and one cabin baggage trolley bag. 

My children went on a two weeks journey to New Zealand without me and my husband.  It was a road trip around the north island with five other relatives.
They grinned from ear to ear when I asked if they would like to join them for this trip.

And I remember John Holt said "Any child who can spend an hour or two a day, or more if he wants to, with adults that he likes, who are interested in the world, and like to talk about it, will on most days learn far more from their talk than he would learn in a week in school. Children make their own paths into the unknown, paths that we would never think of making for them"

My almost 7 year old child asked if it is alright that she goes alone for this trip without her older sibling.
 "I  AM ready to go on my own" so she exclaimed. I told her " Yes! But you can do it the next time as your sibling would like to go to New Zealand too"

I truly believe we do not need to push children into independence. They will fly the nest when they are ready.

A day before the trip, my 10 year old said to me " Mom, I will miss you so much that I will not know how to enjoy myself ".
The feeling was mutual. And I knew having this awful feeling would not help. I have to get up and be FINE.

So I said " I will miss you too. But I will enjoy myself. And that doesn't mean I don't miss you. We can miss someone and enjoy ourselves too."

I think I was beginning to miss them that one night (before they leave!!), I dreamt of walking back home after sending them to the airport. It was cold and lonely. The corridor seemed longer and dimmer. It was not a pleasant feeling at all. Gosh.

The morning came where we bade farewell at the departure hall. She waved goodbye bravely and said "I will have fun, mom."

As I  drove home alone, I realised I  wasn't used to the silence in the car. The silence that I used to long for all the time while ferrying two chatty passengers.
So I turned on the car radio. Guess what! It belted out  "Nooobody said it was easy" (by Coldplay).
It sent tears streaming down my face. ( yeah, go ahead and laugh ! )

I guess this is a "Mother's Separation Anxiety!!", isn't it?

Autumn in Hamilton, New Zealand. 

Chill-out at park 29 July 2011

My best outdoor chill-out place.

I am sittting nearby, under a pleasant shade of a cafe, enjoying my cuppa.  :p

EnHui love this area, with a tiny stream nearby. They hang on the tree and dance, sleep and play on the slab.

Quiet period for me and EnHui. A moment of solitude clear up clutter and recharge our mind.

Keri Smith's thought 7 April 2011

Thanks to Norlin for introducing Keri Smith's writing to me.
How I discovered my secret power  is such wonderul write up.

These phrases inspire me in unschooling EnHui. Most of all, they reinforce my belief that unschooling is the right path for us.

1. You are invincible
2. You can create your own world or universe
3. Convention sucks
4. Mistakes are good (as long as they don't kill you)
5. The answers are everywhere
6. Reading is crucial and most importantly
7. Question everything.

Mommy's time off. 26 February 2011

Saturday evening.

Both girls prepared dinner for me. :))

After dinner, I had a night out with my friends, sipped my favourite Ice Blended Vanilla and reminiscing old times. 

I thought I have adjusted well (if not, better), staying at home as I was feeling alright for the longest time.

While driving alone and  blasting the radio to my heart's content, I experienced a different feeling of joy. A great feeling which I have not felt it for so long. A time of my own. !!   

Ramayana Revisited at Peranakan Museum. 17 January 2011

Ramayana epic is illustrated by shadow puppets, paintings on paper and cloth and photographs. It ends on 27 Feb 2011 at Peranakan Museum, Singapore.   

This is why we are here - shadow puppets. En stared at it intently. I wonder what has initiated En to have such interest and passion in puppeteering.

At the end of last year (2010), I reflected on what I have accomplished with EnHui for the whole year while referring to my blog and the mistakes that I have made and how I should improve myself as a mother.  And most of all, I was figuring out which direction Unschool 2011 should be heading. 

It seems like I should be going towards Performance Arts, theatres, contemporary, visual art, whatever in the name of arts and most of all, puppetry. Ramayana Revisited is the first one.   

I began to see the beauty of shadow - thanks to En.

Coloured shadow.

I forgot what En told me - something on the lighting.

Tonight, during my private session with En, a 20 minutes chat and lots of hugs & kisses and hands holding at bedtime. I told her she should hold a puppet show for the neighbours. As expected, she excitedly said "YES".

So, I added  "But they wont understand much when you have the session in English!" En pondered 'Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm'.

I said "You need to plan one in Mandarin for the benefit of those who don't understand English, like por por". En agreed to what I suggested. Finally, she remarked " I'll plan one in Mandarin". 

Related - It's important to try spending "one to one" time with your child (when you have more than one)

Playdough 12 January 2011

Playdough night with dear dad which left me with some "ME" time, catching up with whatever is on my to-do list. Me time is utmost important - like a short annual leave from work.

Right - Hui crafted a one year old birthday cake.

Caring Moment 12 January 2011

Wednesday 9am
At Taman Tasik Menjalara.

En ran towards the tunnel slide, upon seeing Hui sliding down. She wanted to remind her of the crack at the bottom of the slide.

"Slow down, slow down, mei mei, the slide is broken"

There are 6 important points in the education of the heart which influences parents on how to they view their children:

1. Don't look at the weak point or shortcomings. Focus on his/her strong points and praise him/her from that.
2. Don't look at the present form as the completed form, know that the child is growing in progress and believe that he/she will continue to improve.
3. Don't be a perfectionist. Try to think that it is okay not to be perfect or it's okay not to be able to do a certain thing now.
4. Don't compare. Every child has a potential to be the best. Our child is growing at his/her own pace.
5. Don't put priority in academic achievements. Recognise his/her effort even if he/she does not do well.
6. Learn to see the child as perfect - just as he/she is.

A change in the parents' view toward their child will change the child. Normally, parents view their child in a negative way because (1) parents set standards to evaluate their children, and (2) parents compare their own children with others. Once parents change their mindset to a positive one, children will relax and start opening up their heart. As a result, their brain will be developed. It will not be long before they develop into wonderful children - Makoto Shichida.

String Instruments and Carolers 8 December 2010

Wednesday night - we watched X'mas performances at One Utama Mall again. 

Cello, viola and voilin. such captivating music.

Joy to the world, the lord is come.Let's earth receive his King...

I wish you a blessed happy Christmas and very happy new year.

New year is approaching ... goodbye 2010, re think resolution, let go the imperfect, remove clutter  and start anew.

"My family life to be more loving and harmonius, less judgemental and more compassion"

I am FREE! 3 December 2010

Friday night. Their second sleepover with their all time favourite walking-toy-aunt-nanny! Aunt L camped with them, in the living room ! Yay, FUN yeah? This time around,  I have no worries of Hui after the successful first sleepover. Maybe, this is a sign I should sign myself up for a 3days 2 nights getaway at Phi Phi Leh. :) This remind me of Leonardo Dicaprio &  "The beach".  It's superb to have a just a night Freeee ! (sheesh such a mean mom I am)  Another mind-detoxed for me. BIG THANKS to 'sister L'. muaakkk

In the arms of a sister 26 November 2010

En was 3 years old when Hui was born. Thankfully, she was a perfect older sister who didn't show any sign of a green eye monster. It was a smooth sailing first two years for me. I took care of Hui without any problems. I recalled how En impatiently waited for the days when Hui could talk and play with her. These best years took a twist when Hui turned 2, where she was an active curious toddler who ransacked each and everything En did. I had a tough time and thought I was such a failure, as a mom. Finally, after a short moment, En was sensible and understanding enough, to learn and accept the behaviour of a toddler. It was back to smooth sailing again till Hui became 3 years old, where both assert their feeling strongly and were letting the cat out of the bag at the same time. I was clueless till I read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.  This book came in handy on the whys and the hows. Now, they are great with each other on most days and even find solace in each other. 

Hui became the doll for En, who fixed up Hui's hair. What a funky style.

Take time out 27 November 2010

Saturday night.

It is very important to take time out for yourself. I came home wonderfully renewed and rejuvenated. Well, I was eating my entire meal of my choice, 'tom yam fried rice' (oooh) , slowly, quietly savouring each grain while chatting and laughing my heart out with my old pals. And the night ended with a cup of latte which I was able to sip before it gets cold.  

To top it up, I found myself driving home smiling and singing to my favourite radio station instead of the 'san ji jing'( blearrgghh).
I am feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine. I'm lovin cloud nine, my head 's in the sky. I am solo. I am riding solo - Jason DeRulo. la la la

Playground weekend 21 November 2010

playground @ pantai morib.

Hui stepped on the puddle of water and En immediately ran to her rescue.  

playground @Taman Bukit Jalil.

I saw how En hold little Hui's hand and ran.  Another heart-warming scene.

Left- fishes feeding. :)    Right- En & Hui at the climbing frame.

Occasionally, concerned parents at the park would 'stare' at me, for letting little Hui climbs on her own. Some would tell me, she is too young to climb.  

Just give the little kids plenty of opportunity in a loving and joyful manner and step back - you will see they are stunningly capable physically.

En shinnied up and down the pole.

Wedding Banquet @The Gardens Hotel 13 November 2010

The romantic wedding, touching love story and meaningful love songs reminded me of my marriage vows in Singapore.

 'Will you, (name), take this man, (name), to be your wedded husband, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, to be faithful to him, so as long as you both shall leave?

"Yes, I will "

Well, well, I am as guilty as charged. Life after babies has changed drastically. Children has taken the top priority in almost everything I do. Is it time to re read the vows?    

At the reception area,  guests were served with free flow of juices and wines before you adjourned to the dining ballroom. The area was decorated with the couple's photos, flower petals, confetti and candles that made you feel so at home.

Left- a wedding guest sign-in book and two sweet pink feathery quill were provided. Simply thoughtful. 

Right- the carpeted floor was furnised with white balloons and not forgetting loving heart-shaped helium filled balloons in white and red for kids to grab.

Fairy-tale wedding banquet in white! Red carpet lined with flowers and candles gave a lovey-dovey feeling.

Table setting with a lit-up candle on the lazy susan.

a heart-shaped chocolate gift box.

8 tier wedding cake and champagne glasses.  A simple and yet elegant menu.

bride and groom(main) table setting.

brige and groom table's guests were being served individually. I gave it a thumb up!